I did a Saturday Zen retreat. I’ll write more on that later. Tonight, I also went to the regular Sunday sitting. They mentioned that meditation training is building up a capacity now so that when things go wrong, you can handle it and not lose your mind.
At the time, I thought this idea seems kind of bleak. Meditation just so when things inevitably go bad you can handle it? This both assumes your current abilities are bad and that bad things will indeed happen. I usually like to stress that meditation makes me able to also enjoy life better.
But tonight, while I was sitting there thinking this, something bad was indeed happening which I will also get into the details maybe later. I’m typing this on my phone though at a friend’s place 2am on a Monday.
And oddly enough, it’s not too distressing. In fact, the suffering I think my friends go through upon hearing the news is almost as bad. Zen says a good situation is a bad situation. A bad situation is a good situation.
I don’t know. The saddest part right now is just not knowing and being unable to know the why and how this occurred. And because of that, I don’t doubt god or life or whatever like I would when I was younger. Instead, I have doubts about my fellow man and woman. Am I too trusting?
I always believed respect given is returned. And for the most part, I’ve been able to get along with almost everyone I meet. But, now, I wonder maybe it’s this was done by one or two people I do know and even helped. And that really hurts. But I probably won’t ever know. And that causes my doubts to be even worse.
See, I believe God, Dao, the universe, or whatever you call it is not fair or unfair. It just follows laws. So my faith in that isn’t shaken. My faith in Man though is.
Money lost can always be made again. But can I continue my RV journey without having to start constantly watch my back? Can I ever so easily trust a stranger?
The statistics of this happening are quite low so I know rationally this is just an emotional reaction. A fear, a defense to make sure this never ever happens again.
But it’s difficult to live that. Like going skydiving and actually getting injuried and then convincing yourself to go again. What’s the chances of it happening twice right?
I don’t know. Zen encourages this natural I don’t know because really that’s the basis of almost everything. But when times are bad…well I don’t know feels kind of bad.
I’m grateful though. The friends I made here the very first weekend in Orlando have helped me out generously. I talked to some of my old friends back home. And my boss was good about things.
I just got to live with it and move on.
It’s really not that bad if it sounds that way. I’m perfectly still in good health, and this shouldn’t have to effect me negatively in the longrun or even right now.
I can say I’m likely leaving Orlando early December. I’d go even sooner, but I already paid rent for Nov. I may return to visit for a while because I did genuinely have a great time again this weekend up to now. And I have meet some great people here in such a short amount of time. But I’ve also had to deal with more stressful situations and people here than anywhere else.
How do you deal with a bad crisis?
Figure out what can recovered.
Do what’s necessary to minimize damage.
Call upon family and friends for support.
Live in the feeliing. Let it air its grievences. But don’t let it become and stay the master.
Remember everything changes, nothing is forever. I’m going to die one day. And this is never that large as it seems.
Do what you can to prevent this. Learn any lessons if they are there.
Sign. High peak of weekend of Zen and friends. Low point Sunday night. Maybe, maybe things will pick up when I visit home Wednesday. I feel like the universe owes me.
The first Friday night I was in Orlando was when my car’s ac pressure switch blew up. That was a bad point too because I didn’t know what that was and worried my entire engine might of just gotten seriously damaged. But I went out anyway with this, “i don’t give a shit about anything. This is too ridiculous of a situation. I’m going to enjoy myself.” And that was the night I meet the good friends whom I’m staying with now. Hopefully like that pressure switch, the only real damage will be inconvience and money. I’m really praying this doesn’t become a long term problem I have to constantly address.