On Thursday, I finished installing the solar panels finally on my Rialta RV.
Water pump works.
Water leak fixed.
Refrigerator (sort of works, not well on an incline).
Now, I just need to buy the household items like a cutting board, storage containers, and a good baseball bat (to ward off intruders).
This coming Sunday is my first planned trip, I’m headed to Orlando, Florida. I’ll stay there for a few days and then hopefully on the way back, I’ll stay with friends scattered throughout the South.
Nervous Thoughts on the Future
This summer is an exciting period for my friends and me. My brother just had his first child. Two of my friends are globe trekking for six months and then moving to Oregon. Another friend is moving to Spain for a long period. Three of my friends are starting their Masters program. Another is starting Vet School.
And in the midst of all these changes, I’ll be traveling in a RV. A big change yet a needed one. For nothing else in my life has really changed in the past year. And I worry about where I’m heading as most of my friends become more busy and moving farther away.
Also, I’ve worked the same job for six years now. I’ve finished my academic education for the foreseeable future. My ambitious career and business plans have not and may never bear fruit. In short, I’ve been feeling stagnant.
In this anxiety, boredom, and restlessness, I rethink my past decisions. I wonder about my future. I compare my life against others. I can tell that my interactions with others are strained. I’m in my head. I don’t care about what they’re saying, it all sounds frivolous. Have I always been like this? Or is this a symptom of my uneasiness?
The future is unknown. I’ve cut my ties (and been cut) from family, friends, academics, and so on. It rests on my shoulders. And I wonder if I’ve taken on too much. I’ve succeeded throughout the years through preparation, perservance, constant study, support of others, and a dash of luck. But outside the confines of a student life where no one is interested anymore in your education or growth, the challenges become harder. Perhaps, the largest missing piece is asking, what do I bring that offers value to others?
During college, I code switched and had the flexibility to merge into different groups, different ways of being. These days, I’m finding my self more static, my interests and preferences in people has hardened. And yet, I continue to push my comfort zone. To eschew common sense, basic safety and security, and want to be pushed to the brink of disaster and the verge of greatness.
This is a rambling post because my mind is rewiring itself. Many changes this year, I can’t wait to begin.